So this used to just be my repost blog and i would just post whatever I wanted or liked...but as far as I see now, it's becoming the blog of a mom's journey after she's lost a child..My true feelings, inner thoughts, and psyche, all laid out almost everyday.

 

perfect-in-weakness:

ebony-and-ivory:

This is me, Eliza Thornberry, part of your average family. I’ve got a dad, a mom, and a sister. There is Donnie - we found him. And Darwin, he found us. Oh yeah, about our house - it moves, because we travel all over the world. You see, my dad hosts this nature show, and my mom shoots it. Okay, so we’re not that average. And between you and me, something amazing happened… and now I can talk to animals. It’s really cool, but totally secret. And you know what? Life’s never been the same. 

When you haven’t watched this show in literally 7 years and can still read this in your head in her exact voice, and remember what parts to emphasise…

perfect-in-weakness:

ebony-and-ivory:

This is me, Eliza Thornberry, part of your average family. I’ve got a dad, a mom, and a sister. There is Donnie - we found him. And Darwin, he found us. Oh yeah, about our house - it moves, because we travel all over the world. You see, my dad hosts this nature show, and my mom shoots it. Okay, so we’re not that average. And between you and me, something amazing happened… and now I can talk to animals. It’s really cool, but totally secret. And you know what? Life’s never been the same.

When you haven’t watched this show in literally 7 years and can still read this in your head in her exact voice, and remember what parts to emphasise…

(Source: merlinsbeardharry)

Promise part 1: Getting Healthy- Update
Weighed myself for the end of the month and I’ve lost 13 pounds.

Promise part 1: Getting Healthy- Update

Weighed myself for the end of the month and I’ve lost 13 pounds.

delirious-8iznasty:

reaperbarbie:

victoriaduchess:

ambieheartsturtlep0rn:

oozingwithpotential:

This is apparently coming out in 3 days.

In 3 days, I’m going to start to be a total jogging addict, I think

i’ll finally lose weight

omg yes

OH MY GOD PLEASE BE ON ANDROID PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

Finally some motivation.

(Source: listeningtociociosan)

Sleeping in my car tonight. hoo-rah. sounds way better than sleeping in this house..

weird..

//how you think you know how you feel about a person…and then someone comes along and makes you feel guilty about it… Now all I can think of is the bad… and I just want to quit..

Its weird how people who say they are trying to help and are doing things because they love you, but are really just making me not think or feel good things at all. I feel like more space has been out between me and them..and Im now angry with someone I love dearly. Getting out couldn’t sound any better..

I slipped down the slope…

When bad things happen, it becomes a time where we learn more about ourselves than we ever thought. It’s confusing, frustrating, and above all exhausting.

I feel like im sitting at the very top of a tree…sitting and watching myself down below. It’s a tad easier to see yourself when your looking from a different perspective. But watching yourself can be hard to do when your not the person you thought you were. I wouldn’t trust me…and I’m not that great of a person. I wouldn’t even be friends with myself, sometimes. 

A truth to be told, I dont even know if this is really how I feel. I dont know if it’s even something worth paying attention too. I dont know if I feel this way because I feel so alone now. Everyone is moving away..And all I have is really just one person…and I dont even know if I’m actually happy being around them, or if I’m just letting myself be consumed by this fake sense of comfort. But I think I feel happy.. And I never think these things when stuff is good..

I want to make a pledge to myself that I’m going to be a more giving person.. Cause truth be told, I’m very selfish. And sometimes the things I do will give me temporary satisfaction..cause I think it’s what Im supposed to do..or how I should react to a situation..but it’s not always right. I dont want to feel better because someone got what they deserved…and I should never have to turn to my friends for reassurance that what Im doing is right, when I feel so wrong about it.. People do shitty things…and treat others badly in 10 folds more than what they “deserve.”

But no one should deserve to feel sad, hurt, or worthless..People treat others badly because they aren’t happy with their own life…so why should we contribute to a hurt they are already feeling? It’s not teaching them a lesson… we’re enforcing the idea that we really are ugly and deceitful beings.. People should give love and have love in return. 

Today I called several people just to say I love them..and that I appreciate them being in my life, not expecting anything in return or any extended conversation… Sometimes people just need to hear that they are cared about and loved..Just expecting them to know isnt enough most days.. And times are tough for a lot of us, even when we dont show it.

But I dont know if I can keep this pledge to myself…cause I dont know if this is how I really feel… I dont know who is really there for me anymore. I know love exists and that I am loved and I love others in return, but I still feel so alone.

Its 3pm..

And I already feel sad, hurt, worthless, and not cared for.

Today had such promise, too.

Promise Part 1:

And so it begins. 
All the marbles in the left jar is how many pounds I NEED  to lose. As I lose weight, every pound I sweat off is a marble that goes into the right jar. I’m giving myself 8 months to lose 95lbs. That’s  11lbs. Per month minimum. Which is a healthy rate to lose all this weight. 

I need to be selfish enough to put myself first.

I need to say goodbye to the risks of heart disease, diabetes, cancer, and my self consciousness. 

I need to get my shape in shape. Cause while being skinny is nice, being healthy is better.

I should never have the excuse of never having time anymore. I have all the time in the world now. I should never have the excuse of no money for fresh food, cause I’m only supporting myself these days. I should never have the excuse that I’m too tired, because I know how far I can push myself. Most of all I should never have the excuse that its too hard, because I’ve been through harder things.

Promised Noah I’d do whatever I could to make our lives better, and having a healthy mommy is part of that promise. 

Promise Part 1: Getting Healthy

Promise Part 1:

And so it begins.
All the marbles in the left jar is how many pounds I NEED to lose. As I lose weight, every pound I sweat off is a marble that goes into the right jar. I’m giving myself 8 months to lose 95lbs. That’s 11lbs. Per month minimum. Which is a healthy rate to lose all this weight.

I need to be selfish enough to put myself first.

I need to say goodbye to the risks of heart disease, diabetes, cancer, and my self consciousness.

I need to get my shape in shape. Cause while being skinny is nice, being healthy is better.

I should never have the excuse of never having time anymore. I have all the time in the world now. I should never have the excuse of no money for fresh food, cause I’m only supporting myself these days. I should never have the excuse that I’m too tired, because I know how far I can push myself. Most of all I should never have the excuse that its too hard, because I’ve been through harder things.

Promised Noah I’d do whatever I could to make our lives better, and having a healthy mommy is part of that promise.

Promise Part 1: Getting Healthy

I actually had a good day with that EJ kid yesterday..

We played card games, made hemp anklets/ keychains, ate Tofurky dogs and potato/leek soup, watched lots of Tosh.0, went to the park, and played with fireworks.

I needed this.